Metalachi

On a hot summer night in Veracruz, Consuela Espinoza stumbled out of her dilapidated shanty & into Rock N Roll history. What began as an innocent night of snorting horse tranquilizers in a hotel room with 7 members of the village jai alai team went on to produce the greatest metal band to ever live.
Unhampered by a steady regime of tequila & ill-advised sumo lessons, 9 months later 5 bastard children where born. Unable to care for her hungry offspring & concerned that motherhood would seriously interfere with her Tuesday night Karaoke league, Consuela packed the babies into the saddlebags of a burro & sent her children off to America in search of a better life.
Against all odds, 14 years later & nearly dead from dehydration, the burro knelt down to drink from the stagnant waters of the Rio Grande, mere yards from the U.S. border. With one fleeting burst of energy the brothers Espinoza cinco climbed from their leather restraints & scampered the vast reaches of the river, collapsing onto the sweet amber hue of American soil. As if by destiny, lodged in the sand beneath their tanned faces was a record sleeve upon which were the words “PARANOID” and “BLACK SABBATH”.
For years to follow, this definitive black metal album served not only as a teacher & mentor, but also a friend. From these bleak & humble begins grew the seed that would eventually be the band we know today. Often referred to as the greatest heavy metal band to ever live..always referred to as…METALACHI.